Foul Mouthed Little Bastard

So I will be the first to admit that I have a foul mouth when it comes to things not going my way. Sakya has tried to break me of this ugly habit since she met me, and up until recently she’s been out of damn luck. Occasionally when my favorite sports team is losing, or when the X-Box is clearly cheating, or when I stub my toe or when I get excited telling a story, a few “F” bombs and other choice novelties will come sailing out of my mouth. I have tried and tried to hold back since the tiny human has been born, but to no avail. There’s really only a few words that can properly get your point across when it comes to explaining how you really feel. Amirite?

To the stats! According to the Linguistics Society of America, men say roughly 6000 or so words a day (women are significantly higher; imagine that). The average 1 year old has the vocabulary capabilities to say about 10 words. So out of these 6000 words I say a day, no more than 5 to 10 can be significant curse words, right? So how do I explain to my wife that my one year old, who mutters  masterpieces such as dog, mama, dada and bye bye, has a new favorite word.

Of course I try to defend myself to her. There is no way that he is cussing and knows the meaning, right? He is simply mixing up the words milk or truck or book or he’s trying to say his name and his miniature tongue is getting all twisted. I think I had her convinced. Everyone was happy… Flash forward a few days.

B was in his playroom pushing a train along, Sakya was twittering away on the couch and I was watching ESPN. B stands up still holding onto his train and gets as much steam as his pudgy little legs will take him. He tumbles forward  into the wall smashing his face. Sakya and I pop up to his rescue as the fall looked kinda bad. I’m thinking a bloody nose, missing baby tooth or black eye, but no tears came. B sits back, looks at us, squeezes his eyes tight and of course.


Trying to hold back the laughter was the toughest part. I couldn’t have constructed a better phrase myself. The timing, the tone, the clarity of the words perfectly encapsulated the situation. I was kind of impressed that his mind was able to grasp the right word so quickly. I was sort of proud. Sakya… not so much.

Needless to say the F word has been put to rest on my end. B has other thoughts, he thinks not being able to say one of the ten words he can actually pronounce effectively is ridiculous.


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