Every parent has been there before. Your kid is throwing a tantrum that rivals Bobby Knight circa 1975 and you feel like your head may explode. I know, personally, I faced this many of times when trying to change a diaper when all B wants to do is chase the dog around the house. Between him arching his back, kicking his legs and screaming at the top of his lungs, I’ve ended up with a busted lip and poop on my chin more than once. Not exactly what I would call a fun time.
There are other little crazy things that parents do without even blinking an eye. Picking your kid up in the middle of Target, holding his butt up to your nose and taking a big waft of poo air to check if there is a surprise left for you. Licking your hand to get off the little bit of leftover food you missed with the baby wipe after dinner and jamming out to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack to keep B satisfied while we sit in gridlock traffic.
Yes, I have done some stuff I am not proud of… Even after B has fallen asleep, I’ve continued to sing “Be Our Guest” in my best French accent during rush hour traffic. I might have put and left a onesie on backwards once or twice after a late night changing, and occasionally I’ll eat some of his puff snacks when I’m a little bit hungry. Look, I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent, but then again I’m not the worst either. Realistically I probably fall somewhere between the guy that cut off his own leg to save his kid after an avalanche and Michael Jackson. An before you ask, B’s name is not Blanket… or Apple, or Seven or anything else dumb.
Oh if my college buddies could see me now. Struggling with a 25 pound maniac trying to get him dressed in the morning isn’t my brightest moment. How in the world can i keep him calm? Its simple really. The Wiggles. For some reason the kid loves those guys. I hate them. I swore that I would never let him watch the Wiggles as their stupid Australian accents and songs about cars and clouds and cold spaghetti really drove me crazy. But what’s a tired guy supposed to do, if the kid likes the Wiggles and keeps him happy for the 5 minutes I’m getting him dressed, have at it.
So, of course parents will all do anything to make our kids happy. Seeing him smile is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced in my life. So if this makes him smile *** and shuts him up for 5 minutes*** Wiggle on the F on.