I DO NOT have the X Factor

Quick back-story:

1.) I am a horrible singer

2.) I like to sing

3.) I do not sing in public…. Ever

4.) I like Disney movies

5.) Consequently I like Disney Movie soundtracks

Now that the formalities are out of the way, here’s a quick insight into the life of gridlock with a toddler.

Occasionally I will pick B up from the babysitter. Usually Sakya picks him up, but every now and then dad and tiny human get to roll together.  For the most part B occupies himself in the backseat. Checks out the surroundings, kicks his feet or babbles on our 15 minute drive home. In case you didn’t know, toddlers have the attention span of a pre-schooler with fun-dip and a Barney episode. So of course a traffic jam is the worst possible senario.

Gridlock. I’m talking like 10 car pile up, bio-hazardous material spilled on the highway, OJ Simpson car chase gridlock. Not moving. After 10 minutes of not moving B is getting antsy. At first there are little whimpers, followed by whining, followed by screams that sound like a 12 year old who hugged Justin Bieber and is never bathing again. This is not good.

Two things calm B down pretty quickly, The freaking Wiggles (see earlier post) and singing. Since I’m all out of Jeff, Murray and the rest of the merry gang, I throw on some Disney tunes on Pandora and begin to rock out. This worked for about 2 1/2 minutes.

I try the singing without really moving my mouth; not working. I try singing every 10 or so words; not working. I check my surroundings and start belting out Bear Necessities ; of course, this works.

At this point I’m getting into it. I mean The Circle of Life comes on and you have to do the opening African chant, right? B is laughing hysterically, I completely forget that we are stuck in traffic and my favorite Disney song Never Had a Friend Like Me comes on.

I am dancing, singing, doing my best Robin Williams impersonation and I look out my window. 5 teenage boys are filming me with iPhones and getting more enjoyment out of me signing than B. I look at them. Flip them off and continue signing. Wait till you have kids you little shits. You’ll be signing Hakuna Matata and it won’t be nearly as good.

Also I believe me singing is somewhere on youtube, but I have yet to find it. If you do, let me know.